14. Sophie's Fan

In my last blog My Mum and Other Huts, I mentioned Sophie's Fan.

Sophie was a Chinese graduate student in my department in my final years at the University of Auckland and I helped her with her thesis. She had made major sacrifices to study overseas, living away from her husband and young daughter in China for much of the year. Like many Chinese studying or working in New Zealand Sophie had adopted a Western name. Anxious to be a PC sensitive new age sort of guy I would ask those I knew what their Chinese name was and offer to use it, mangle it as I might. We had a secretary in our department some years back, for example, who called herself Doris. I don't remember what her Chinese name was but to my way of thinking anything was better than being called Doris. Doris however would have none of it, so Doris she remained.

Sophie adopted her Western name because it sounded most like her Chinese one. She is one of three daughters in her family and explained to me that her Chinese name means something along the lines of ‘the third not wanted, but not as unwanted as the previous two’. I could understand why she might like the name Sophie better.

On her return to New Zealand after Chinese New Year in 2001 or 2002, I don't exactly remember which, Sophie brought me a gift - a fan with paintings on one side and text on the other. I asked Sophie to translate the text for me and, with a lot of poetic licence on my part, this was the result: 

         SOPHIE’S FAN

What brought us together across the dramas of our lives

Remains random and mysterious

Lost in the mist of past journeyings.

Now, as companions in age,

Though our frailties make us tetchy,

We must cherish each other the more,

Set aside tantrums over trivia, childish irritabilities

That drain our emotions, exhaust our spirits,

For in such displays we hurt only ourselves

And if one is sick we are both the losers.

So cast off the anger and bitterness

They can but consume us both,

Forgo competitive striving against relatives, friends,

Set the children free to manage their own destinies.

As we face together, with equal composure,

Life’s sweet seductions and bitter grimaces,

Even the gods will envy our ageless harmony.